evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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