i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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