Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think my tv is drunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
