true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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