I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
