quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
