i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
