2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
