I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
