I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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