That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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