So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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