if you like me you must not know who I am
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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