I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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