I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
