Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
