I wannas sexs uuuuu
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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