You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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