Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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