She is in my trunk
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
