how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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