i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
