Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
