it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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