No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
