What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just had sex on a roof
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
