is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
