im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
party gras won. party gras always wins.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
