I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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