He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
