apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
