i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
