Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
