People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
