I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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