im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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