i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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