so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
