i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
