somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
