I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
