you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
