Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
