My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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