if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
