oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
