our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
