He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
