I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
