Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
