Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
