please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
