I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
