You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
