Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I could make wine with my vomit
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
