At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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