Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
