I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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