I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
