DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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