Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
