their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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